August 15, 2008

• Repairs

  Our car is supposed to be repaired today. We sure didn’t need that $200. cost out of nowhere piled on top of an already too-stretched budget, but I suppose it could be worse. Before it’s all over, we’ll have two brand new old cars. Thankfully they are both paid for! I can’t imagine juggling car payments on top of it all.

  Cars aren’t the only things being repaired lately, I’m thinking. It’s bizarre how whole I am feeling even amidst all the ups and downs and the fact that we are facing moving back across the state next month. There are still quite a few unknowns (like where we’re going to live for starters), but I feel such a complete peace I can’t put it into words. I guess it’s obvious why I can’t describe it. Things of God often can’t be worded.

  I’ve been bulk-dumping into my personal journal a lot lately, throwing everything into print just to get it out. It isn’t that it’s all bad, either, just jumbled. Putting it on the page helps me to sort it out. Sorting helps me study and learn, and that’s really the reward of all this, right? Wisdom?

  So yeah, I am feeling God repairing many things in my heart and mind and spirit. He has used some amazing people in the process, both in pleasant and unpleasant ways, and I have to say I am feeling like I need to be grateful for both. In some ways that sounds almost silly, but if God works all things together for my good (and I believe He does, since He said so) then I have to believe that the unpleasant experiences I’ve had with people and circumstances have still been used for my growth and progress. It’s been hard at times, but the growth in me is tangible. I can see and feel it, and in some manner I’m hoping it will benefit others so they can see it too–not for my glory but for His.

  Interestingly, I just got an email from one of my homeschool e-groups that included the following quote.

  “My deepest fear is waking up twenty years from now still the same woman I
  am today. With the same annoying habits and petty attitudes; with the same
  besetting sins and false beliefs. I can’t imagine anything more terrible
  then getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had so much
  more in mind for me – more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true
  effectiveness. And I had missed it all, simply because I refused to
  change.”

  ~Joanna Weaver

  • 10:55 am
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