My heart has been burdened lately with losses of various kinds. Separation from loved ones, disillusionment in relationships, the sadness of feeling insignificant. Tonight I want to focus instead on the kinder things, the things that in the end will truly matter.

I want to think about my precious family. My husband, who is steadfast and amazing and ever true. My children, who adore their parents and cherish one another and can always make me smile. They all love and serve God with their whole hearts, and they all love me unconditionally and I know that come what may I can count on them to be there. My friends who have remained friends and have never withdrawn their love or written us off even when distance separated us. My God, who is more amazing than a million words could describe, who will never leave us or forsake us, the One to whom time and distance mean absolutely nothing and don’t determine how much time He spends with us or how close He wants us to feel to Him.

In the end, it won’t matter who let go of my hand and went on about life without much concern for me or the bond I thought we had. It won’t matter that we spent time unsure if we’d heard God correctly. What will matter is that we listened for His voice and acted in response, that we put it all out there for Him and received our comfort from Him–the One who will never, for any reason, let go of our hands and stop caring.

Tonight, once again, I call on the God of all comfort to hold me and remind me that regardless of what anyone else does, He is with me.

One of my monthly columns is Just Ask Blue.
It’s pretty staggering, some of the questions I am asked. What I’m
seeing more and more often is people who are finding it a challenge
working through the loving and praying for people who are hurting
others in their efforts at “doing church”. I’ve prayed and thought hard
over my response to this type of thing. While we are not called to
judge others’ hearts, I believe we as brothers and sisters in the Lord
have the calling and responsibility to question their methods when
damage or ineffectiveness is evident. After all, we should be working
together to build the same Kingdom. God’s Kingdom. The one Jesus must have had in his heart when he issued the Great Commission.

When good people are getting hurt left and right, isn’t that a good
sign that maybe there needs to be a stepping back and reevaluating of
the way things are being done? Why is it that in churches across the
nation people are being turned off and turned away such that they not
only lose interest in Christ, but wind up wanting nothing whatsoever to
do with Him? Aren’t we supposed to be drawing people to Him?
When did the church become so exclusionary, so cliquish, so focused on
only allowing a choice few to utilize their giftings? Who are any of us
to stand in the way of God using others through the talents He’s built
into them? I just see this as a sad and frightening phenomenon, and I
shudder to think about the longterm effects. Those who have ears, let
them hear.

Ha. Solitude? In my life? Actually I’ve had a few opportunities for time to myself with it being just me and the Girlie here. She’s off in just a bit to accompany one of her favorite littles to her first ballet/tap class. I think it’s pretty clear that our girl was born to bring the love of dance to little ones with their eyes wide and their ballet slippers untied. She is amazing.

God has been showing me some things in clearer ways during this time while I am apart from my husband. Well, besides the fact that I feel like half (or less) a person when he isn’t here. Anyway. I guess I’ve just had a lot of time to ponder things, and one of those things is the unhealthy friendships I’ve had in my lifetime. It’s hard to lay aside the fixer in me, even when all hope seems lost and people seem unfixable. I know it isn’t me doing the fixing anyway, so why is it so hard for me to leave others in His hands? I’ve given that a lot of thought and I really don’t think it’s a matter of not trusting Him to care for them and “fix” them in HIS way. It’s more that I want to make sure I’ve done my part–all of it–without stopping short. Maybe it’s just hard for me to decide where the “mark” is.

I’m starting to understand more and more deeply, though, how to find the mark, stop, pray, and move on. It’s actually rather freeing realizing that I can continue to love someone from a distance and have that love still be genuine. I’m finding this to be a much healthier way of doing things. For them and for me and for my family.

My sweet husband blogged this evening, just for me. He is a treasure.

And my dear Lizziegirl blogged, too. She is amazing and I am so excited to see what God is going to do in her life. She is already off to a great start, willing and eager to serve Him. I love you, sweetpea!

Today was the boys’ talent show at the youth conference. I haven’t heard yet how it went but hopefully I will hear soon. I’m betting it was stellar.

When I woke up this morning to the sun streaming across the bed I was
certain it was 10am or later. I looked down at my watch to discover it
was only 7. Rolling my eyes I slid out of bed, loped downstairs for a
bagel and juice, and plopped down at my desk grateful that I managed to
get my articles submitted last night just before midnight. Thank heaven
for gracious and compassionate mag editors who realize writers have a
life–usually a very active and sometimes crazy one.

The boys called me late last night to tell me about their day at the
youth conference. I love having them walk me through their day’s
activities and share stories they found interesting. I am so blessed to
have such thoughtful kids. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our
family and the curious way we are connected. Such contemplation is
likely due to the fact that right now it seems we are scattered in
three or four major directions most of the time lately. It’s hard to
put into words how much it means to me to know that no matter how much
distance separates us, we will always be bonded together as one beating
Easterling family heart. This is a blessing we can never take for
granted.

Sometimes that’s just what you have to do. You suck it up, gather yer gumption, and push ahead to do what you know is the right thing. The God Who calls you to do it will equip and empower, so there’s nothing to lose except the encumbrances. And who needs more things to tie you down?

The practical side of that is that we are back home, making a go of it as mother and daughter for a few weeks. It reminds me a little of my mother and me when I was R’s age, only we didn’t have my dad’s love and support only a state’s width away and are not faced with the many unique challenges my mother and I were. I’m more than a little grateful for that.

A few months ago we pared down to no cable TV (R would consider that some degree of roughing it) so it’s just us and our cell phones and our internet connection (bless the Lord). I have two articles due and R is babysitting so we’ll stay busy enough tonight.

My heart and prayers are focused on baby Ethan. I love you, Lizzie. Give our hugs to your aunt and her family…and to you our dear sweet girl.

you just have to let go. Completely. Leave it all behind, lay it in God’s hands in its entirety, and walk away. Not all leaving is abandonment–I have learned this very clearly, particularly in the past year–and sometimes it’s the only thing that leads to anything positive.

They say hope dies hard, and I’m finding that truer all the time. I’m the type who believes in someone long after everyone else has given up, long after it ceases to be prudent to do so. I have been hurt deeply because of this, yet for some strange reason I have found myself still doing so, for the sake of love. Something tells me that God is really trying to teach me something here…let go and let Him and leave it be. So that’s what I’m doing. I get it, Lord, and I’m sorry it took me so long. Believe me, I am.

I love my sweet, patient, loving husband. He never ceases to amaze me with his compassion and capacity for love. I’m going to miss him so much over the next few weeks.

Valerie, it was wonderful seeing you guys yesterday and holding Little Bit. He is amazing. And thanks for the call this morning. It wasn’t surprising (at all), and I’m not sure whether I’m mildly amused or even more deeply saddened. But it’ll all be okay. It really will. I’m praying for you guys and your church and the tough decisions being made. I love you, girl. Thanks for being real and true and constant.

The girlie and I will be heading home tomorrow morning at the butt-crack-o-dawn as the boys head out for their youth conference. I want to leave my husband behind about as much as I want to hang upside down and chew tinfoil while sliding down a razorblade into a bucket of alcohol.

I’ve enjoyed being with my 7-year-old granddaughter this weekend. She is such an amazing little girl. Headstrong as the day is long, she has definite ideas about how things should be, and doesn’t much like hearing a different option. Such was the case as she was deciding what to make for Jeff for Fathers Day. She had it CLEAR in her head what she wanted to make, only she needed some help and I was her girl. She was convinced Mimi could make it happen when no one else could. What she was asking of me seemed nigh unto impossible, but she was certain it could be done and proceeded to tell me exactly how. Guess what? It happened. I can’t write about what it is because she hasn’t given it to him yet, and after such combined efforts and ingenuity I couldn’t spoil the surprise, now could I?

We opted to gather the portion of the family present this morning and play music and spend time together. The other son and his family will join us this afternoon so we can all celebrate Fathers Day afternoon together. It’ll be a bittersweet day with everyone scattering in different directions tomorrow morning.

I know people do this leaving one another thing all the time, but I hate it.